birthday.
So I just found out just how bad the drama actually was. “That night was no longer about you.” Good thing I am the happiest goddamned drunk there ever was so I had no idea. I only slightly wondered where everyone was. I remember joking about being pissed that she didn’t say bye to me. Good thing, because if I had been regular me, well fuck.
I’m pretty tired of things. What else is new. I dunno how things will play out but I guess it won’t matter because in probably no more than 5 years I will hardly know these people. Same story for every single person I meet.
Maybe I am being over dramatic?
I tell him my concerns about him waiting till tomorrow to come over. Basically, I’m being a bit selfish and would rather see him for more amounts of time.
That is me guilt tripping him, apparently. That’s how he views it.
We hang up and he posts a facebook update about being a few minutes away from blowing his brains out.
I am a horrible fucking person if me saying I want to see more of someone makes them want to blow their fucking brains out.
Come home for Christmas Eve.
Pat and cat are here.
Get ignored anyway by both.
Fuck it. Smoke weed by myself in corner of my room.
And I was going to do my fucking laundry today but one bitch fucked up my entire day. And walking back to work in this wind put everything to full gear and I hurt everywhere.
I am so filled with hate that I feel like I’m going to throw up.
I am not a happy person. Everything I love in life falls apart or I have to leave.
I’m tired of being alone and sad. I have no idea what to do to make myself get happy. None. At all.
Christmas is around the corner and I still have no plans. I feel like I’m starting to get the flu. That makes me panic because I’m alone. Being alone already makes me panic and being sick and alone is next to a death sentence for me. I have tears gushing out my eyes as I type this. I haven’t even had to blink yet, there’s so many.
I can’t handle this. I’m tired of loneliness and being sick just makes me even more crazy than usual.
WANT!! Will be looking for fics for this cross over later now.
DO WANT.
ALSO WANT EVEN THOUGH I DON’T WATCH THATSHOW.
Omfg, Danielle. Have you seen the video this is from? I saw a few days ago and it won’t leave my head. Now it’s invading my tumblr? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I must be a horrible person if my closest friends assume I’m being a total fucking bitch any time I open my fucking mouth.
Why do I bother having friends? The only friends that like me are the ones that barely hang out or talk to me.
I fucking hate myself. I’m tired of crying. I can’t believe he can make me cry so fucking much still.
I don’t see the point in my stupid fucking life. I’m not doing anyone any good. I’m just there for strangers to spit on and relatives to talk shit on and anyone else just ends up hating me anyway.
